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NEWS

Ashton Kutcher's Sweet Birthday Surprise!

Ashton Kutcher got a big surprise on the set of Two and a Half Men Tuesday, when his coworkers surprised him with a white sheet cake emblazoned with a promo image of the show in celebration of his 34th birthday.

And he couldn't help but to gush via Twitter...

"Love my coworkers," Kutcher tweeted shortly afterward, along with a photo of the sweet treat.

The comedy star, who recently split from wife Demi Moore, posted a video earlier today to Causes.com and told fans that he was donating his birthday to fight the exploitation of children by matching all donations—dollar for dollar—to his and Moore's DNA Foundation.

Happy Birthday, indeed.

How You Can Help Ashton Kutcher Celebrate His 34th Birthday

He replaced Charlie Sheen as the star of Two and a Half Men, got into a Twitter war of words with the Village Voice and brought Punk'd back to MTV. Most notably, of course, he and Demi Moore called it quits on their six-year-marriage.

But today, Kutcher turns 34. It's a fresh start of sorts for the star, and he wanted to do something positive to celebrate the occasion...

So he's donating his birthday to fight the exploitation of children. In a video posted to Causes.com, the actor told fans that he'd match dollar for dollar all donations to his and Moore's DNA Foundation.

"I'm determined this year to do everything in my power to make the world a better place," he said. "I want to start by getting right after it today. As you may or may not know, I have a foundation that focuses on ending the sexual exploitation of children and any help that you could give towards that would be amazing—an amazing present for me..."

He vowed that all donations would go "towards technology tools for fighting child pornography and the sexual exploitation of children."

"I hope you can join me in that fight and donate whatever you can," he said.

Happy Birthday, Ashton. We sure hope your birthday wish comes true.

Demi Moore: Bruce Willis and Ashton Kutcher Pay Visits to Recovering Star

On Wednesday, Bruce Willis was spotted paying a visit to his ex-wife's L.A. home. Later in the day another famous visitor showed up...

Moore's estranged hubby Ashton Kutcher was seen pulling into the actress' driveway in a blacked-out Lexus, per X17.

At the time of Moore's hospitalization last month, Kutcher was modeling alongside Alessandra Ambrosio and partying it up in Brazil. He has yet to comment on Moore's health since he returned to L.A. last Thursday.

Sources tell E! News that Kutcher attended Kaballah services on Saturday morning where he sent most of his time having a one-on-one counseling session with his Kaballah teacher.

He was also back to work on the set of Two and a Half Men earlier this week.

Ashton Kutcher posts about 'gossip,' 'regret' on Facebook

Social media maverick Kutcher posted a page scanned from the book "The Four Agreements" on Facebook along with the words, "Friend sent me this today thought it was valuable to share."

While Kutcher gave little direct explanation about why the words resonated with him, they certainly seem to speak to his current situation with estranged wife Demi Moore, who was rushed to a hospital last week to be treated for "substance abuse" issues.

The scanned page contains four rules, the first of which discusses "gossip" -- something Kutcher has been subjected to for months, ever since it was alleged that he had a hotel tryst with 22-year-old blonde Sara Leal on his sixth wedding anniversary with Moore.

"Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others," the page commands.

The second rule would absolve Kutcher of some culpability in Moore's recent troubles.

"Nothing others do is because of you," the page reads. "What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."

The final rule broaches the topic of "regret," something Kutcher might feel after the unraveling of his marriage and subsequent fallout.

The page reads, "Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret."

This is the closest Kutcher has come to commenting on Moore's hospitalization. When the news broke in the press, Kutcher was in Brazil celebrating Sao Paulo Fashion Week, which he attended with Moore last year. The "Two and a Half Men" star has been widely criticized for partying while Moore suffered.

Kutcher has since returned to Los Angeles. It's unclear if he and Moore have seen each other or spoken.

Quotes From the 2012 SAG Awards Red Carpet

Ashton Kutcher 'Deeply Concerned' About Demi Moore: Source

"Ashton is deeply concerned for Demi," says the source, noting Kutcher was in Brazil to work on an ad campaign when he heard about Moore's hospitalization. "He still cares about her and wants the best for her. But their marriage is ending and they are both moving on with their lives."

Kutcher, 33, and Moore, 49, announced in November that they were divorcing after six years of marriage, and friends of the actress have since worried about her signs of mounting stress and declining health.

During Moore's recent crisis, Kutcher was in the South American country to shoot a catalog for the Brazilian fashion brand Colcci. He also attended a show at Sao Paulo Fashion Week and stepped out with Brazilian celebrities.

The Two and a Half Men star has continued to update his Twitter page, but has mentioned nothing about Moore. Instead, on Monday – the night paramedics responded to a 911 call at Moore's home after she suffered an apparent seizure – he Tweeted a picture of himself "surfing the streets of Sao Paulo" in the rain.

The source says that Kutcher is now on his way back to Los Angeles and will be back at work on the set on Monday.

Demi Moore Released From Hospital as Ashton Kutcher Returns to L.A.

E! News has confirmed that two days after suffering what sources believed to be a seizure, Demi Moore is no longer being treated at the Sherman Oaks Hospital.

And news of her release comes just as her estranged husband, Ashton Kutcher, is due to return to the States.

Moore was rushed to the facility by ambulance Monday night after a female friend witnessed the 49-year-old begin to violently shake. Sources told E! News that the star was acting "pretty hyper" all night while hosting a birthday party at her home. At the end of the night, a partygoer saw her begin to convulse and dutifully phoned 911.

Though the cause of her episode has not been disclosed, the following day, the actress' rep released a statement saying that Moore has decided to seek treatment for exhaustion and "to improve her overall health."

It's unclear when, exactly, the Margin Call star was discharged from the facility, though it does fall in line with Kutcher'sr eturn.

Though the Two and a Half Men star was both working and playing in Brazil when news of Moore's hospitalization broke, taking part in a shoot for Colcci's new catalog alongside Alessandra Ambrosio (well, that and surfing through the streets of Säo Paolo).

In any case, despite speculation that Ashton cut short his trip, E! News confirms he was always set to return to Los Angeles today and will touch down in the city this evening.

'Teen' antics tortured Demi

One tells us that Ashton continues to flirt with women while still calling Demi “when he is at a low moment.”

Ashton was partying with Brazilian supermodels at Sao Paulo fashion week while painfully thin Demi collapsed at her home Monday night. After being rushed to the hospital, she checked into a treatment facility Tuesday, where she was visited by her daughter Rumer Willis.

A source said, “Ashton has been very sloppy about his private life. He goes between doing ridiculous things and then making overtures to Demi. She took her marriage very seriously, she gave it 100 percent, and his behavior is confusing to her.

“Demi was talking to Kobe Bryant at a CAA Golden Globes party, and Ashton came over and made a scene. He made jealous comments to Kobe, then Ashton went to the bar and was openly flirting with other women.” Following their split, Ashton spent the holidays in Italy with screenwriter Lorene Scafaria.

The source continued, “Demi put up with a lot from Ashton — and despite the rumors, she always gave him the benefit of the doubt. But as soon as he admitted it, she asked him to leave. She helped him build his career, and as soon as he got his own success he became very full of himself. He was pushing and pulling at her for months before they split.

“Now he’s carrying on like a teenager, goes around with other women, and then, when he’s feeling scared and lonely, he reaches out to Demi. It’s really taking its toll on her. Demi is exhausted and humiliated. She needs some time to take care of herself and regroup.”

Demi’s rep declined to comment beyond her earlier statement, “Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health.”

Ashton Kutcher Parties with Supermodels in Brazil as Demi Moore Seeks Treatment

Partying with supermodels in Brazil.

The Two and a Half Men star, who is in the South American country to shoot a catalogue for the Brazilian fashion brand Colcci, has been sitting front row at Sao Paulo Fashion Week shows and clubbing with Brazilian celebrities, including Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio.

On Monday – the night police responded to a 911 call at Moore's home – Ashton Tweeted a picture of himself "surfing the streets of Sao Paulo" in the rain.

On Tuesday, he was spotted signing autographs and posing for photos with fans before attending a fashion show.

That night, he hit the Summer Soul Festival to catch Florence + The Machine and Bruno Mars in concert with Ambrosio and model Ana Beatriz Barros.

After the show, Kutcher returned to his hotel before stepping out again with Bia Anthony, the wife of Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo Nazério de Lima, and Barros.

"He doesn't stop!" reads a headline on a Brazilian report about Kutcher's late-night partying.

The group was photographed Tuesday night at Bar Numero before making another stop at club Set, where they reportedly stayed until 4 a.m.

'Two and a Half Men': Ashton Kutcher debuts new look as Walden Schmidt

On Monday (Jan. 16) episode of the hit comedy, Schmidt decides to cut off the locks and shave the beard in an effort to please his new girlfriend Zoey (Sophie Winkleman). So we're introduced to a clean-cut version of the Internet billionaire, but what will Zoey think of this? And should Bridget (Judy Greer) make another return, how will she react?

Kutcher has his own opinion on the new style. At the Television Critics Association Winter press tour, the actor says, "I'm sure there will be people who, now that I've cut my hair and shaved my beard, they'll want me to have long hair and a beard. And there were people that when I had long hair and a beard wanted me to be shaven, have a hair cut." He adds, now when he sees pictures with his long hair and beard, he thinks "it's pretty funny."

What do you think of Kutcher's new look?

Kutcher tweet fuels dating rumours

The actor's publicists dismissed reports of a relationship between the two last year after Kutcher took Scafaria to Pisa, Italy on vacation shortly after his wife Demi Moore announced their marriage was over.

The screenwriter, who previously dated The O.C. star Adam Brody, also spent time with Kutcher at the Yellowstone Club ski resort in Montana last month and they were spotted holding hands over a romantic lunch on Christmas Eve.

But Kutcher's spokesperson insisted, "They're just friends."

Now it appears friendship has turned into romance after the actor tweeted, "First official sleepover with my girl @lorenescafaria so maybe breakfast with everyone next time!"

Ashton & Demi's fete-ing words

Ashton approached estranged wife Demi at the CAA party at Soho House Friday night after he spotted her sitting with Madonna and former husband Sean Penn.

“Within five minutes of them seeing each other, Ashton did come over,” said a source. “It was a crowded room so he made his way over. Demi and Ashton, and Madonna and Sean, were talking and hanging out. Ashton and Demi didn’t arrive together, or spend the whole night together, but it was 100 percent normal. There wasn’t an issue.”

The pair are divorcing following reports he cheated on their sixth anniversary apart last September. Ashton spent the holidays with screenwriter Lorene Scafaria in Italy.

Ashton and Demi then spent the rest of the night at opposite ends of the party. Demi arrived early and stayed with her group. Ashton, clean-shaven, arrived when the party was in full swing at 11 p.m. and greeted Demi before spending the rest of the night mingling, briefly talking to Demi’s daughter Rumer Willis.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher Hit Pre-Golden Globes Party: What Went Down?

They were both spotted at CAA and Grey Goose vodka's annual CAA Foundation soiree at Soho House in West Hollywood.

So how are things between the two?

They certainly didn't show any love last night.

A source reports that they were seen most of the evening at opposite ends of the bash. At one point, the Two and a Half Men star was seen walking by Moore, but they didn't acknowledge one another.

Moore chatted a bunch with just-announced Globes presenter Madonna, who was holding court in the members-only club's garden area. The Material Mom, whose ex Sean Penn was also there, made quite the fashion statement in a red dress with matching leather gloves.

Moore definitely didn't look as downtrodden as she did during the first days of the breakup. She was all smiles and showed off her body in a slinky, sleeveless silver dress.

'Two and a Half Men': Ashton Kutcher angles for bigger pay day on series

Kutcher, who took over on the hit comedy after Charlie Sheen was fired in Spring 2011, came at a sizable cost savings to CBS and Warner Bros, the show's producers. Reports estimate that Kutcher makes $800,000 per episode while, in his final season, Sheen was reportedly taking home upwards of $2 million per show. But now that Kutcher's first season is half way over, and the ratings are as good if not better than what Sheen delivered a year ago, it appears it's time to talk numbers.

When asked about his future with the series, Kutcher says, "The show is outperforming in [ratings] from before I was here. And so I think people are responding to it. And, for me, having a show that people like and people want more of, that'll dictate what my decision is." Kutcher adds that the program's audience is getting slightly younger, which is typically appealing news to potential advertisers. And considering Kutcher has no shortage of other options, this news combines to give him more leverage in negotiations.

While both show EPs Lorre and Aronsohn dodged questions of Kutcher's future with the show, CBS network president Nina Tassler addressed the issue.

"We've been very focused on next season and there have been early conversations," Tassler says. "The spirit of those have been everybody really likes their jobs and I've got nothing to report now, but as I've said there's early conversations that people like what they're doing and are very happy working together."

The question is, can the two sides come to a consensus for something that doesn't involve the punchline of "Two and a Half Million?"

Kutcher on guard with the press

The long hair and shaggy beard that was so startling in his early episodes of Two and a Half Men are gone. The face is clean. The hair is short.

“It’s related to the show completely,” Kutcher said. “Tune in Monday.”

That would be this Monday on CBS and CTV, where Kutcher’s sitcom, Two and a Half Men, airs. Kutcher, of course, replaced the controversial Charlie Sheen in the show, and the ratings have held up to this point.

Kutcher was just so serious while speaking with the media. We asked him why he’s so serious in real life when he specializes in playing characters who are partially, if not totally, clueless.

“I’m serious when I’m talking to the press, because I’m always on guard, because I never know what you’re going to ask, and I never know how you’re going to construe my answer,” Kutcher said.

“So I try to maintain a pretty even pace when I’m speaking with the media. So that might not necessarily reflect who I am usually.”

So this is the true acting that we’re seeing right now?

“This is a great performance,” said Kutcher, prompting laughter. “And it’s almost over, the curtain’s about to come.”

Kutcher is not signed to Two and a Half Men beyond this season, but every indication is that he’ll return.

“I think it has held up fantastic,” CBS president Nina Tassler said when asked about the performance of Two and a Half Men in the ratings. “Granted, where we launched, we premiered to extraordinary numbers. But we are pretty much where we were last season at this time.”

So what about the creative aspect?

“I’m thrilled - Chuck (Lorre, co-executive producer and the primary target of Sheen’s meltdown) has done an extraordinary job of introducing (Kutcher’s Walden Schmidt),” Tassler said.

“(Kutcher) not only was an actor who had a huge brand, but his character was very different from what that show had seen in the past. (Lorre) wanted to let the audience sort of transition from Charlie’s into Walden’s character and fall in love with him for who he is and let him ingratiate himself into a family.

“I mean, that’s difficult. This wasn’t Sandy Duncan on The Hogan Family.”

Ha, good one.

Sheen, who has a new show coming up on FX (CTV in Canada) called Anger Management, was at a TCA party earlier in the week. While Sheen still insists that what he did was “right,” he also said if he saw Lorre on the street today, he probably would give him a “hug.”

“I wish (Sheen) well, I really do,” Lorre said. “I’m glad he’s sober and happy and healthy.

“We’re very grateful to be here,” Lorre continued. “We’re thankful this guy (he pointed to Kutcher) came and left the lights on so we could make a TV show.”

Lorre admitted that when it became clear Sheen wasn’t coming back to Two and a Half Men, ending the show completely was a strong consideration.

“There was clearly interest at CBS to keep this thing going,” Lorre said. “In some ways it seemed like an impossible and kind of ridiculous thing to try to do.

“Then we thought, why not try? If you fail, no one will be physically harmed, and no one would be surprised. It (would have been) such a heartbreaking way to end.”

So Two and a Half Men fans already have accepted a new main character. Now they’ll have to accept a “new-look” new character.

But remarkably, the re-grooming of Two and a Half Men didn’t turn out to be a close shave at all.

Will Ashton Kutcher Stay on Two and a Half Men?

During the CBS presentation today at the Television Critics Association press tour, president Nina Tassler told reporters the tentative plan for the star of the comedy hit. Also weighing in on the issue? Kutcher himself! Plus, is The Good Wife staying put? And would the networks ever pull a Glee and bring in a musical series?

Network presidents are all about dancing around a tough question, so Tassler only offered that they are in preliminary talks about bringing back Kutcher.

"I think that clearly we've been very focused on next season and there have been early conversations," she told reporters. "The spirit of those have been everybody really likes their jobs and I've got nothing to report now, but as I've said there's early conversations that people like what they're doing and are very happy working together."

During the show's panel, Kutcher was asked if he'll be returning to the show for another season and while he didn't give a definitive answer, he hinted that it's a definite possibilty. "The deal that we structured for the show was kind of a test deal," he explained. "The show's outperforming the numbers from before I was here, so I think people are responding to it."

"For me, having a show that people like and people want more of, that'll dictate my decision," he continued. "I have a couple of features I think I'm going to do during the summer during the hiatus. Right now I am looking at it as a hiatus. I'm having a lot of fun with these guys and interested in coming back."

We almost didn't get a Ashton Kutcher-led Two and a Half men, because creator Chuck Lorre told reporters he "absolutely" considered ending the show after Charlie Sheen was fired. But bringing on Kutcher changed that. "At first [doing another season] seemed impossible and slightly ridiculous thing to do," he says. "[But] why not try? What's the harm in trying? If we fail, no one will be physically harmed. No one would be surprised. It seemed like such a heartbreaking way to end."

Ashton Kutcher Steps Out Solo for Lakers Game

No, we're not talking about recent rumors that Ashton Kutcher spent the holidays in Italy with a possible new ladylove (allegedly bearing a more-than-passing resemblance to Demi Moore).

Just making a basketball reference after the Two and a Half Men star was spotted attending a Lakers game in L.A. on Tuesday night.

In fact, the soon-to-be ex-Mr. Moore appeared to be flying solo.

Sporting a hat in support of the home team, the actor clearly seemed to be enjoying his courtside seats as he watched the Lakers beat the Houston Rockets 108-99.

Meanwhile, despite his marriage to Moore crumbling at the end of last year, Ashton obviously has a positive attitude when it comes to the next 12 months.

"In 2012 let's agree to a resolution to feel one another's pain & joy, & create the peace we desire through proactive generosity. XO ak," he recently tweeted.

Sounds good to us.

MTV's "Punk'd" revamp debuts March 19

Instead, new episodes of the reality series Kutcher co-created will be introduced each week by a different celebrity. Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Kellan Lutz, Bam Margera and former "Punk'd" cast member Dax Shepard will be among the guest hosts when the show returns.

Kutcher wants dating rumours to end

The Two and a Half Men star’s personal life has been under scrutiny since his split from wife Demi Moore was made official in November.

His representative was forced to deny he found love again with screenwriter Lorene Scafaria after they were spotted on vacation in Pisa, Italy last month.

A British tabloid suggested Kutcher then took a vacation in Greece with Scafaria after snaps of him and a pretty brunette at a party appeared online, but the star insists the female companion is the wife of a friend.

On his Twitter.com page, he writes, “Um, the woman in this picture is my Greek friend Athanasia, and the man to my left is her husband... Fact check.

“Can we please stop this nonsense.”

Rep denies Kutcher romance story

Actress Moore confirmed her six-year union to Kutcher was over in November, following weeks of speculation about the status of their relationship, and the Two and a Half Men star has since been linked to Scafaria, who previously dated The O.C.'s Adam Brody.

Kutcher and Scarfaria spent time together at the Yellowstone Club ski resort in Montana earlier this month, before jetting off for a Christmas vacation in Pisa, Italy.

Eyewitness Alex Thorpe tells Usmagazine.com the pair "held hands" over a romantic lunch on Christmas Eve, adding, "They shared spaghetti, and he paid."

But Kutcher's spokesperson has dismissed rumours of a new romance, insisting, "They're just friends."

Meanwhile, Moore also enjoyed a festive vacation out of America - she holidayed in Turks & Caicos with her daughters from her marriage to Bruce Willis.

Ashton Kutcher courted new gal pal while married: report

Us Weekly reports that Kutcher and Scafaria headed to the town of Pisa for Christmas, photographing tourist sights such as the Leaning Tower of Pisa together and driving around town in a Porsche. On Christmas Eve, the two were spotted having a "romantic lunch" at Pizzeria Trattoria Toscana.

"They held hands," a witness divulged. "They shared spaghetti, and he paid."

Kutcher supposedly met Scafaria, a stunning brunette who was believed to still be dating actor Adam Brody, last February -- long before his marriage to Moore crumbled in the wake of allegations that he'd had a tryst with blonde Sara Leal the same night as his sixth wedding anniversary with Moore.

Kutcher and Scafaria reportedly met when Kutcher read for a role in her movie "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World," a romantic comedy about a man trying to find love in the "end of days."

A source tells Us, "Ashton started seeing her while each was in a relationship."

Meanwhile, reps for both Kutcher and Scafaria deny a romance. Kutcher's rep elaborates that the two are "just friends."

Kutcher has made no attempts to hide the fact that he is traveling with Scafaria, which does seem to point to a friendship rather than a romance. On Monday, Kutcher tweeted, "Roman holiday with homies. @mazzant @LoreneScafaria Have an amazing new year!!!" He also referenced Matt Mazzant, an employee of Kutcher's Katalyst Films.

But this isn't the only time since his break from Moore that Kutcher has been seen with Scafaria.

The two were spotted together on Dec. 9 and 10 -- just weeks after Moore announced she was splitting from the "Two and a Half Men" star -- snowboarding and playing shuffleboard at the Yellowstone Club Ski Resort.

Last week, Kutcher was seen out in Berlin, chatting with a long-haired brunette at a party and later walking into an apartment building with her. The woman bears a resemblance to Scafaria, though that is of yet unconfirmed.

Ashton Kutcher: Has He Moved On from Demi Moore?

And one other person – Kutcher's business partner, Matt Mazzant.

The Two and Half Men star, 33, is making no secret of his time with Scafaria, whom online reports note bears a passing resemblance to Moore.

"Roman holiday with homies," writes Kutcher on Twitter along with a photo of him and Scafaria, showing Mazzant squeezed in between.

Scafaria wrote Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist and is the writer-director of the upcoming Steve Carell/Keira Knightly comedy Seeking a Friend for the End of the World.

Moore, meanwhile, spent Christmas Eve dancing at a poolside bar at the Parrot Cay resort in the Caribbean. The actress, 49, was vacationing with daughter Rumer Willis, according to the New York Post.

MTV Brings Back Punk'd

The show, which originally premiered in 2003, was co-created by Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg. Kutcher also served as host and producer.

A modern-day version of candid camera, celebrities such as Jessica Alba, Taye Diggs, and Halle Berry were all the victims of elaborate practical jokes during the show's eight season run. The series will return to the network in 2012, but viewers will get a sneak peek of the show during MTV's annual New Year's Eve party on Dec. 31 at 11/10c.

Goldberg and Kutcher will continue to produce the series. There's no word yet on whether or not Kutcher will still serve as host.

'New Year's Eve' is no party

But really, how good a time are we in for when a movie opens with New Year's host Ryan Seacrest promising we're going to see a lot more of him before it's over?

Bloated with cheap sentiment, New Year's Eve portrays Times Square on Dec. 31 as the center of the true-love universe (though there are never enough extras in a scene to ever convey the rib-crushing madness of the real thing). It also recycles the template of Marshall's 2010 film, Valentine's Day.

That is to say, he throws darts at the A-list to come up with a mess of improbable couples, and gives them each about half a sitcom's worth of plot (or about a day of shooting), with all the sketchy characterization that suggests. This need not be a recipe for a bad movie, but in Marshall's shticky hands, the result is more Love Boat than Love, Actually.

(Trailer)

Among the unlikely hook-ups: Katherine Heigl as Laura, a caterer at a swank party, where the entertainment is a superstar rocker named Jensen (Jon Bon Jovi), who just happened to have skipped town after proposing to her the year before. There's also Ashton Kutcher as a cynical illustrator and Glee's Lea Michele as one of Jensen's singers, who get stuck in an elevator together.

Michelle Pfeiffer (really, has it come to this?) is a record company gofer who quits in a fit of middle-aged crisis and looks to a cocky young guy (Zac Efron) to make her bucket list come true in exchange for VIP party tickets. Abigail Breslin is a 15-year-old who skips out on Mom (Sarah Jessica Parker) to meet up with a boy for her first kiss at Times Square.

Hilary Swank is in charge of the Times Square ball, which malfunctions, requiring rescue by a Red Adair-type super electrician named Kaminski (Hector Elizondo).

But wait -- there's more. Hewing to the sitcom formula of two parts shtick and one part bathos, we have Russell Peters and Sofia Vergara answering Marshall's call to "do that thing you kids do" as a pair of Heigl's heavily accented comic-relief staffers, and Jessica Biel and Seth Meyers and Sarah Paulson and Til Schweiger as pregnant couples, vying for the hospital's $25,000 prize for first New Year baby (cue the scenes of shouting directly into a vagina).

And the bathos? Robert De Niro is a dying man at the hospital, nursed by Halle Berry, whose last wish is to see the ball drop at midnight (at which point his entire career will flash before his eyes, including Meet the Fockers).

It's all edited with a Cuisinart, such that when a character you last saw 20 minutes ago (the movie's an excruciating two hours) pops up again, you have to remind yourself who they are.

The length is a consequence of the movie's sheer busy-ness -- the last act alone is almost all thread-tying (including a surprise, gratuitous Support Our Troops message a la Valentine's Day).

To the eternal question, "Are we having fun yet?" That can only start when you leave the theatre.

'New Year's Eve' brings formula romance to the party

Where Valentine's Day was set in Los Angeles, New Year's Eve takes place in New York, but it has the same wafer-thin premise: A collection of people preparing for the holiday find love in the right or wrong places.

Love rekindled, fresh starts and redemption are the themes, but that makes the screenplay sound far more substantial than it is. Emotions are expressed with greeting card shallowness and by a panoply of stars, each with about a paragraph's worth of actual story.

There's the mousy middle-aged woman (an unattractively photographed Michelle Pfeiffer) who impulsively quits her boring desk job. She's hellbent on fulfilling resolutions amassed over the years — like traveling around the world and seeing Bali — all in a day. She engages the services of a bike messenger (Zac Efron) who cuts corners but offers more excitement than she apparently has ever known. (He takes her to a spa named Bali and the world travel is done by hopping around a giant map in a museum.) Charmed yet?

Other vignettes are just as lame-brained. A slacker/New Year's Eve hater (Ashton Kutcher) and his perky neighbor (Glee's Lea Michele) get stuck in an elevator. Initially they can't stand each other, then after she sings a song in the confined space, sparks ignite.

The stories are woven together in the clumsiest, most obvious fashion.

Sitting through New Year's Eve is like attending a crowded party filled with pretty people who have nothing to say.

New Year’s Eve
* out of four
Stars: Halle Berry, Ashton Kutcher, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jon Bon Jovi, Robert De Niro, Hilary Swank, Josh Duhamel
Director: Garry Marshall
Distributor: Warner Bros.
Rating: PG-13 for language including some sexual references
Running time: 1 hour, 57 minutes
Opens Friday nationwide

Ashton and Demi's 'awkward' dinner run-in

"[Moore] approached [Kutcher's] table," says a witness who saw Moore notice that Kutcher had sat down at a table across the patio from her at a West Hollywood members' club. "He gave her a hug, and they spoke for a few minutes."

The witness tells Us Weekly that even though both Kutcher and Moore seemed "polite," the encounter was "very awkward."

And no wonder. On Nov. 17, Moore announced that she was ending her marriage to Kutcher in the wake of allegations that he had a hotel tryst with 22-year-old blonde Sara Leal on the night of his sixth wedding anniversary with Moore.

Moore said in a statement, "As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life."

After heading on a "soul searching" trip to Hawaii and being spotted out at the Tower Bar in Los Angeles with a mystery guy, Moore headed to Massachusetts this weekend for the funeral of longtime friend.

Meanwhile, Kutcher appeared extremely flirty with his "New Year's Eve" co-star Lea Michelle at the Los Angeles premiere of the film. Sources say that, over Thanksgiving, he also "loved the attention" he got while being "swarmed by girls" bar-hopping in Iowa.

While Moore had a male companion at her side during the former couple's dinner run-in, the witness said that "it didn't look romantic at all." It's unclear who Kutcher was dining with.

Pretty Little Liars, Charlie Sheen Top Twitter's Hot Topics in 2011

Both Sheen and the stuff he says runs through his veins made Twitter's list of hot topics for 2011. Sheen, who had a busy year after being fired from Two and a Half Men, is listed as the No. 1 most talked about actor, followed by Macaulay Culkin, Ryan Dunn and Ricky Gervais. His Two and a Half Men replacement, Ashton Kutcher, also made the top 10, landing at No. 8. (#tigerblood is listed as the second most talked about hashtag of the year.)

Two and a Half Men itself was the second most talked about TV topic behind No. 1 ranked Pretty Little Liars. Rounding out the top 5 for television are The Craigslist Killer, Golden Globe Awards and People's Choice Awards.

On the movie front, Thor came out on top, followed by The Dark Knight Rises (which will be released July 2012), X-Men: First Class, Fast Five and Green Hornet.

Elizabeth Taylor, who passed away in March, topped the most-discussed actresses list. Among the others in the top 10 were Black Swan castmates Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman, along with Harry Potter's Emma Watson and The Vampire Diaries' Nina Dobrev.

Despite gaining notoriety as one of the worst songs of the year, Rebecca Black and her tune "Friday" landed at the top of the music list, followed by the likes of Nate Dogg, Gerry Rafferty and Gil Scott-Heron.

Are you surprised by the topics that made the list?

Review: 'New Year's Eve' drops the ball

Many of the elements are the same as they were for "Valentine's Day," just moved back on the calendar a few weeks, with the script again weaving together a dozen or so plot lines that crisscross a holiday prone to sentimentalizing.

If there is some kind of world record for schmaltz, this may have set it. Included here are first kisses, midnight rendezvous, dying fathers, newborn babies, husbands at war and trapped strangers. It's narcotic mawkishness, with notes played on heartstrings like a 12-string guitar.

Though it's pure, rosy fantasy on screen, this is cynical, paint-by-the-numbers entertainment, sold with a gaggle of stars spread across its movie poster like a telethon lineup.

The threads of romance emanate from — where else? — New York's Times Square. Hilary Swank plays a character running the ball drop festivities, at which a famous rocker (Jon Bon Jovi as "Jensen") is to perform, and where various police keep watch, including one played by Chris "Ludacris" Bridges.

Some of the footage from these scenes came from last year's New Year's in Times Square shot by cinematographer Charles Minsky. This, surely, is the film's biggest accomplishment: The atmosphere is very true to the Times Square celebration.

Katherine Heigl plays a chef catering a pre-party featuring Jensen, who happens to be her ex-boyfriend. Her sous chef is Sofia Vergara of "Modern Family."

Abigail Breslin, now a teenager, is hoping to join her friends in Times Square, but her mother (Sarah Jessica Parker) won't let her. Jessica Biel, with husband Seth Meyers, is going into labor, competing for the new year's first baby against a rival couple (Sarah Paulson, Til Schweiger).

Michelle Pfeiffer plays a meek office assistant who quits her job (John Lithgow plays her record-label executive boss, a good bit of casting that should have spawned laughs) and hires a courier (an ultra-confident Zac Efron) to help her accomplish a list of resolutions.

Ashton Kutcher, as a bearded grouch, gets stuck in an elevator for hours with backup singer Lea Michele. (I crossed my fingers that bathroom needs would spoil their budding romance, but alas.) Most incredulous, perhaps, is the pairing of nurse Halle Berry and dying Vietnam veteran Robert De Niro.

En route to love and new beginnings, the many characters run around familiar New York tourist attractions and pair off predictably.

Editor Michael Tronick deserves credit for stitching all of these corny story lines together smoothly. None of the characters are more than cardboard cliches, but the cast is likable and pretty enough (there are some rom-com pros here, including Heigl and Josh Duhamel) that most are able to swallow the pallid dialogue without causing inadvertent laughs.

The cameos keep coming until the end, with even Mayor Michael Bloomberg dropping by. After all, this is as much an ad for New York as it is a movie. And I'm pretty sure I spotted Knick Amare Stoudemire as the credits rolled. Obviously, the NBA lockout was very hard on players.

And it's during these lighthearted extras and outtakes at the end of "New Year's Eve" where the first and only honest moment of the film occurs. Carla Gugino, who plays the OB/GYN delivering the expected babies, hints at the crassness of the enterprise. In a gag, she emerges from between Biel's legs with not a child, but "Valentine's Day" DVDs.

Congratulations. It's dreck.

"New Year's Eve," a Warner Bros. Pictures release, is rated PG-13 for language, including some sexual references. Running time: 117 minutes. One and a half stars out of four.

Red carpet report: 'New Year's Eve' premiere

Where: Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Los Angeles

When: Monday night

Guest list:Zac Efron, Jim Belushi, Abigail Breslin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Common, Josh Duhamel (with wife Fergie), Hector Elizondo, Katherine Heigl (with husband Josh Kelley), Ashton Kutcher, Joey McIntyre, Jake T. Austin, Penny Marshall, Lea Michele, Alyssa Milano, Michelle Pfeiffer, Ryan Seacrest, Hilary Swank, Sofia Vergara, Yeardley Smith and director Garry Marshall. Also spotted: Much of the cast of Glee, who showed up to support Michele, including: Cory Monteith, Kevin McHale, Mark Salling, Darren Criss and Harry Shum Jr.

All those celebs: A mile-long black carpet and a gigantic disco ball set the mood at the premiere of a movie that bursts at the seams with star power. Not that this was Marshall's first time at the holiday-flick rodeo. The Valentine's Day director (look for a funny nod to that movie in the end credits) said the toughest part of pulling off his celeb-stuffed sequel-of-sorts was the Rubik's cube-style scheduling. "Trying to see which actors could appear on which day," he said. "It was hard to get some of them together."

Toughest star to nab? That award goes to Jon Bon Jovi. "Jon Bon (who plays a rock star pining for Heigl), I couldn't get all together," said Marshall. "I sent him the script and no one could find him and I couldn't get an answer. Weeks went by, and when I get in trouble, I always call my sister Penny (Marshall)." That's one famous sister who can deliver: "An hour later she called back (saying), 'He didn't read the script, he wants to do it, I told him you'd be nice to him.' "

A quiet Kutcher: Kutcher, whose every move has been monitored since his November break-up with Demi Moore (News reports over the weekend screamed "He's taken his wedding band off!"), posed for photos with Michele but swiftly skipped the press line.

The Efron factor: With so many stars headlining the film, many (like Swank) were seeing it for the first time on Monday night. Breslin even met a few of her co-stars while doing press. "I met Zac Efron the other day at the press junket and, um, I cried. I'm not even kidding," she said.

Stars' own worst New Year's: "My very worst was probably when I was younger and I was always looking for a party to hit," said Swank. "You're in the car (going) 'Happy New Year!' "

… and their best: "Family, Champagne and New York," said Michele, who wore Valentino on the carpet. Swank prefers a good meal with family and friends around the kitchen table. "And bed before midnight. I live on the West Coast, so I watch the ball drop at 9 and then I go to bed." Breslin, 15, also keeps it simple. "I kind of just sit at home, watch movies, watch the ball drop and go to bed." But Elizondo, who plays an electrician brought in to save the infamous ball drop, had the hands-down best NYE tale. As a child, "my uncle, who was in the Second World War… knocks on the door," he remembered. "I hear the scream and it's (him). Coming from the army on a one-day leave. That was quite a holiday."

NYE's most unlikely couple: That's up for audiences to decide, but Efron steals the show in NYE playing a cocky bike messenger who fulfills the wish list of a timid secretary (Pfeiffer). Breaking the ice with the famous actress was easier this time for Efron. "When we were doing Hairspray, I was very young and very shy around her," Efron explained. On NYE, now a bit older, Efron sharpened his acting skills around the pro — to mixed results. "Any time I would try and improv or throw a challenge at her in any way she would come back and just school me," he laughed.

Pucker up: Breslin, who plays Sarah Jessica Parker's teenage daughter, received her first on-screen kiss in the film. "It wasn't a French!" said Austin, who plays her crush. "Especially in front of our parents, that would have been a little bit awkward." Wait, the parents watched? "Both of our moms," confirmed Breslin, who wore a gauzy white Marchesa dress. "And I think his cousin was there."

Director's cut: Marshall, whose memoir will debut in April, says he might be retiring from all that holiday-fueled movie magic. Does that mean there are no feel-good Thanksgiving, Christmas or July 4-pegged movies in his pipeline? "I don't want to do another holiday (movie). I used to get scripts on all subjects, now I get Mother's Day, Father's Day. I ought to do Arbor Day," he grinned. "It's a nice holiday."

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