Update #1
> NotASenator: Captchalogue forum backup
>
Update #2
> Betelgeuse contact Tynic for help
>
Update #3
> NAS: Pester Betelgeuse
congressionalAbsconder [CA] began pestering astralColossus [AC]
CA: Hey, um, are you there?
CA: I could really use some help here.
CA: No hurry or anything.
CA: It's not like we're facing any sort of deadline.
congressionalAbsconder [CA] ceased pestering astralColossus [AC]
astralColossus [AC] began pestering congressionalAbsconder [CA]
AC: I was on the phone with Nic.
AC: I think she was drunk.
CA: You called Tynic?
CA: I'm surprised she gets reception.
AC: She's in Germany, actually. They have cell phones there.
CA: *facepalm*
CA: She's in the Medium. That's what I was doing while the backup was running.
AC: The game affects her cell phone? What will they think up next?
AC: Anyways, she was no help at all. I even tried to get into character but she was playing with her dingo or something.
AC: "Playing with her dingo"
AC: By the way, I gave you another one of those devices.
CA: Yeah, actually I wanted to talk to you about that.
AC: Pretty cool, right?
CA: Oh, it's fantastic. I love how you put it in my hallway.
CA: It's just sitting there in my hallway which I can no longer go down.
AC: Why not?
CA: BECAUSE THERES A GIANT TOTEM LATHE IN IT.
CA: I'm looking at it, and I'm really rather surprised.
CA: Because I don't think you could have put it in a worse spot.
CA: Like I'm examining the placement
CA: and there is not a physical location that would be worse
CA: than where you placed it.
CA: That's including Uzbekistan.
AC:
AC: You don't have to be mean about it.
AC: You're the one who asked me to play this game.
CA: Sorry.
CA: I just have this meteor that's going to KILL ME so I'm a bit edgy. Also, I was working on the forum upgrades all night, so I'm wired from all the coffee.
AC: It's okay! Hey, can I be a wizard?
CA: What?
AC: In the game, are there wizards? I want to be one.
CA: It doesn't really work like that.
CA: Did you even read the walkthrough I sent you?
CA: I can't really stress enough that this is very real and a meteor is going to smash into my house and kill me. I will be dead. I will cease to be. Also, the forums will be destroyed, so that's kind of important too.
CA: We've already got Tynic out, now you have to do the same for me, by following the steps in the walkthrough. I sent a copy to Michael and Byron too.
AC: Ok, I guess I can help out. But I want to be a wizard.
AC: I'll move that totem ladel for you.
AC: WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!
CA: Oh god, I'm gonna die.
CA: ...
CA: Hello, are you still there?
AC: Sorry, it looks like my front yard is on fire.
AC: A meteor smashed into the Piggly Wiggly down the street and it is currently raining produce.
AC: But this produce has the special property of being on fire.
AC: So I'm gonna go freak out.
CA: WAIT! You have to finish the steps for me so I can get in the medium and you have to get Michael or Byron to help you out to get in yourself.
CA: I'm gonna go use this totem lathe.
CA: Get the hell out of here before things get bad.
CA: Just follow the walkthrough and you'll be fine.
CA: Wish me luck!
congressionalAbsconder [CA] ceased pestering astralColossus [AC]
astralColossus [AC] began pestering congressionalAbsconder [CA]
AC: I thought it was spam so I deleted it!
AC: Oh shit.
CA: Hey, um, are you there?
CA: I could really use some help here.
CA: No hurry or anything.
CA: It's not like we're facing any sort of deadline.
congressionalAbsconder [CA] ceased pestering astralColossus [AC]
astralColossus [AC] began pestering congressionalAbsconder [CA]
AC: I was on the phone with Nic.
AC: I think she was drunk.
CA: You called Tynic?
CA: I'm surprised she gets reception.
AC: She's in Germany, actually. They have cell phones there.
CA: *facepalm*
CA: She's in the Medium. That's what I was doing while the backup was running.
AC: The game affects her cell phone? What will they think up next?
AC: Anyways, she was no help at all. I even tried to get into character but she was playing with her dingo or something.
AC: "Playing with her dingo"
AC: By the way, I gave you another one of those devices.
CA: Yeah, actually I wanted to talk to you about that.
AC: Pretty cool, right?
CA: Oh, it's fantastic. I love how you put it in my hallway.
CA: It's just sitting there in my hallway which I can no longer go down.
AC: Why not?
CA: BECAUSE THERES A GIANT TOTEM LATHE IN IT.
CA: I'm looking at it, and I'm really rather surprised.
CA: Because I don't think you could have put it in a worse spot.
CA: Like I'm examining the placement
CA: and there is not a physical location that would be worse
CA: than where you placed it.
CA: That's including Uzbekistan.
AC:
AC: You don't have to be mean about it.
AC: You're the one who asked me to play this game.
CA: Sorry.
CA: I just have this meteor that's going to KILL ME so I'm a bit edgy. Also, I was working on the forum upgrades all night, so I'm wired from all the coffee.
AC: It's okay! Hey, can I be a wizard?
CA: What?
AC: In the game, are there wizards? I want to be one.
CA: It doesn't really work like that.
CA: Did you even read the walkthrough I sent you?
CA: I can't really stress enough that this is very real and a meteor is going to smash into my house and kill me. I will be dead. I will cease to be. Also, the forums will be destroyed, so that's kind of important too.
CA: We've already got Tynic out, now you have to do the same for me, by following the steps in the walkthrough. I sent a copy to Michael and Byron too.
AC: Ok, I guess I can help out. But I want to be a wizard.
AC: I'll move that totem ladel for you.
AC: WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!
CA: Oh god, I'm gonna die.
CA: ...
CA: Hello, are you still there?
AC: Sorry, it looks like my front yard is on fire.
AC: A meteor smashed into the Piggly Wiggly down the street and it is currently raining produce.
AC: But this produce has the special property of being on fire.
AC: So I'm gonna go freak out.
CA: WAIT! You have to finish the steps for me so I can get in the medium and you have to get Michael or Byron to help you out to get in yourself.
CA: I'm gonna go use this totem lathe.
CA: Get the hell out of here before things get bad.
CA: Just follow the walkthrough and you'll be fine.
CA: Wish me luck!
congressionalAbsconder [CA] ceased pestering astralColossus [AC]
astralColossus [AC] began pestering congressionalAbsconder [CA]
AC: I thought it was spam so I deleted it!
AC: Oh shit.
>
Update #4
> Betelgeuse: freak out and call Michael
>
Update #5
> NAS: Be the guy who draws the comic
You try to be ANDREW HUSSIE, creator of the HOMESTUCK WEBCOMIC, but you can't because Andrew is too busy working on the comic.
In fact, you are quite certain that he has no clue that there is any danger to the forum or...well, the rest of the world.
Now that you think about it, it would probably be a good idea if he survived this as well. It might be time for a retcon.
...
> NAS: Be the guy who draws the comic, except already in the Medium
You are ANDREW HUSSIE, creator of the HOMESTUCK WEBCOMIC. You are already safely in the Medium. You believe that weird forum admins should probably stop bugging you about their problems.
>
Update #6
> NAS: Prototype Iron Man suit
>
Update #7
> Betelgeuse: Pester ByronastralColossus [AC] began pestering celebrityTracer [CT]
AC: hey byrone, what's the word my good man
CT: wussup wussup. not much just chillin and illin.
CT: what about you?
AC: same, pretty much
AC: guess who had a ham sandwich today
CT: oh man
CT: was it you?
CT: pretty jealous over here.
AC: yeah it was me, and it was delicious
CT: i'll bet. so what's been shakin
CT: what's going on
AC: you mean besides the ham
AC: not much bro
AC: i guess i'm playing this game thing with brian
CT: oh yeah? what game
AC: i dunno but i can be a wizard in it, so i'm down
AC: except it's not really like i'm a wizard
AC: i mean, i'm moving shit all over his house
AC: through the power of my computer
AC: almost like magic. but there aren't any spells.
AC: i keep saying WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA a lot anyway though
CT: whoa that sounds amazing. you basically are a wizard.
AC: yeah. except it's hard.
AC: i was moving his toilet and kind of smashed through his wall by accident
CT: wow gross
AC: i know. and it knocked into this gigantic ferret cage and i sort of ruined shit.
CT: haha
CT: so awful.
CT: but i mean
CT: are the ferrets okay though?
AC: i think so, but their little home is ruined.
CT: i want to play, can you hook me up?
AC: yeah you can be my server. brian sent me these disks a while ago
AC: he probably sent you some too
AC: install them, then connect to me.
CT: hmmm, disks.
CT: oh
CT: found them
CT: okay brb
celebrityTracer [CT] ceased pestering astralColossus [AC]
celebrityTracer [CT] began pestering astralColossus [AC]
CT: okay done.
AC: awesome
CT: connecting to you now
AC: ok
CT: oh man there you are. i can see you
AC: creepo.
CT: nah don't worry, this is totally on the level.
CT: except... whoa
CT: is that the ham??
CT: you didn't tell me it was a whole ham hock
CT: i thought it was just like
AC: yeah dude
CT: sliced deli ham
AC: that sucker is 16 pounds
CT: damn
CT: that means you can share though, right?
CT: here, just gonna grab it with my cool green arrow. can i bring it through my screen if i pass it through yours?
CT: like a portal or something. you said this game is magic right?
AC: not really, no
CT: well i'm gonna try it anyway.
AC: no, doa;lgtrj
CT: oh man it didn't work
CT: not with your head in the way of the monitor at least
CT: but now that you put your head down, let me try again
CT: nope, didn't work
CT: sorry, now there's ham juice on your monitor.
CT: and i dropped the ham on the floor
CT: don't kill me! hehe
CT: i'll replace it, don't worry
CT: well alright
CT: the experiment is over
CT: you can get up now
CT: alright well if you wanna stay there
CT: maybe i'll start going through your stuff
CT: hehehe
CT: just kidding
CT: hey
CT: are you okay?
CT: shit
celebrityTracer [CT] ceased pestering astralColossus [AC]
AC: hey byrone, what's the word my good man
CT: wussup wussup. not much just chillin and illin.
CT: what about you?
AC: same, pretty much
AC: guess who had a ham sandwich today
CT: oh man
CT: was it you?
CT: pretty jealous over here.
AC: yeah it was me, and it was delicious
CT: i'll bet. so what's been shakin
CT: what's going on
AC: you mean besides the ham
AC: not much bro
AC: i guess i'm playing this game thing with brian
CT: oh yeah? what game
AC: i dunno but i can be a wizard in it, so i'm down
AC: except it's not really like i'm a wizard
AC: i mean, i'm moving shit all over his house
AC: through the power of my computer
AC: almost like magic. but there aren't any spells.
AC: i keep saying WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA a lot anyway though
CT: whoa that sounds amazing. you basically are a wizard.
AC: yeah. except it's hard.
AC: i was moving his toilet and kind of smashed through his wall by accident
CT: wow gross
AC: i know. and it knocked into this gigantic ferret cage and i sort of ruined shit.
CT: haha
CT: so awful.
CT: but i mean
CT: are the ferrets okay though?
AC: i think so, but their little home is ruined.
CT: i want to play, can you hook me up?
AC: yeah you can be my server. brian sent me these disks a while ago
AC: he probably sent you some too
AC: install them, then connect to me.
CT: hmmm, disks.
CT: oh
CT: found them
CT: okay brb
celebrityTracer [CT] ceased pestering astralColossus [AC]
celebrityTracer [CT] began pestering astralColossus [AC]
CT: okay done.
AC: awesome
CT: connecting to you now
AC: ok
CT: oh man there you are. i can see you
AC: creepo.
CT: nah don't worry, this is totally on the level.
CT: except... whoa
CT: is that the ham??
CT: you didn't tell me it was a whole ham hock
CT: i thought it was just like
AC: yeah dude
CT: sliced deli ham
AC: that sucker is 16 pounds
CT: damn
CT: that means you can share though, right?
CT: here, just gonna grab it with my cool green arrow. can i bring it through my screen if i pass it through yours?
CT: like a portal or something. you said this game is magic right?
AC: not really, no
CT: well i'm gonna try it anyway.
AC: no, doa;lgtrj
CT: oh man it didn't work
CT: not with your head in the way of the monitor at least
CT: but now that you put your head down, let me try again
CT: nope, didn't work
CT: sorry, now there's ham juice on your monitor.
CT: and i dropped the ham on the floor
CT: don't kill me! hehe
CT: i'll replace it, don't worry
CT: well alright
CT: the experiment is over
CT: you can get up now
CT: alright well if you wanna stay there
CT: maybe i'll start going through your stuff
CT: hehehe
CT: just kidding
CT: hey
CT: are you okay?
CT: shit
celebrityTracer [CT] ceased pestering astralColossus [AC]
>
Update #8
> NAS: Get Michael to make another backupcongressionalAbsconder [CA] began pestering astralColossus [AC]
CA: Betel…um
CA: You almost hit me with that toilet.
CA: The one you tossed through my window.
CA: The window that doesn’t open.
CA: It destroyed my ferret habitat
CA: And blocked the door.
CA: There are ferrets running everywhere.
CA: I think Spike is actually INSIDE one of my computers.
CA: That can’t be healthy.
CA: But more importantly, I can’t get to the alchemiter and time is really getting kind of short here. I would appreciate it if you could move it into my room here so I could not die.
CA: Betel?
CA: Are you there?
CA: I swear, if I die because you are LARPing Order of the Phoenix again, we’re not going to be friends anymore.
CA: Hello?
congressionalAbsconder [CA] stopped pestering astralColossus [AC]
congressionalAbsconder [CA] began pestering courteousGangsta [CG]
CA: Michael! I require your always valuable assistance in this, my time of greatest need.
CG: Bro you know I got you. Whatchoo need, some ill rhymes?
CA: While I normally would never turn down the opportunity to be floored by the mad lyrics you articulate so poignantly, this might not be the time.
CA: I'm rather sure that I am about to die.
CG: Well if you're sure, what the hell can I do?
CA: I might be a goner, but the forum can live on. Tynic is going to connect to you through the game I sent you, and get you out of harm's way, but first I need you to do something.
CA: Last time I was out there, for the Great MidWestern Hip Hop Battle and Chili Cookoff, I installed a forum control panel next to your computer
CA: There's a bunch of buttons that do things like lock threads and ban users and stuff. Then there's a green one labeled FORUM BACKUP. It makes a backup of the database and puts it on a floppy.
CG: What's up with this red button? I find it alluring.
CA: OH GOD whatever you do don't press that button!
CA: It randomly deletes one subforum.
CG: Why the hell does a button like that exist even?
CA: In case things ever got out of hand, we can use it to relieve the pressure. Like that thing in LOST.
CA: So just stay away from that one
CG: Did Cindy ever fill you in on my habit of asking what things are once I've already pressed them? eg. buttons
CA: What? NO. Don't tell me that you pressed it.
CG: Look why would you even colour a button red if you didn't want it to be touched
CG: Red is the colour of things you are meant to be pawing at, like ripe apples or fire alarms
CA: I have to see this.
CA: Oh god, you destroyed the general chat forum.
CA: We're boned. I know it.
CG: Would it help if I pressed the red button a second time? Like, maybe it would delete the deleted forum, which would bring it back. You know? Like a double delete?
CA: ghf43yhnm ht
CA: Do you see what you've made me do? I'm literally smashing my face into my keyboard.
CA: Just don't touch anything.
CA: Forget about the backup. I'm gonna try to find a way to get to that alchemiter.
CA: If I die...
CA: If you ever meet Gwenyth Paltrow...tell her I always loved her.
CG: You got it.
congressionalAbsconder [CA] stopped pestering courteousGangsta [CG]
CA: Betel…um
CA: You almost hit me with that toilet.
CA: The one you tossed through my window.
CA: The window that doesn’t open.
CA: It destroyed my ferret habitat
CA: And blocked the door.
CA: There are ferrets running everywhere.
CA: I think Spike is actually INSIDE one of my computers.
CA: That can’t be healthy.
CA: But more importantly, I can’t get to the alchemiter and time is really getting kind of short here. I would appreciate it if you could move it into my room here so I could not die.
CA: Betel?
CA: Are you there?
CA: I swear, if I die because you are LARPing Order of the Phoenix again, we’re not going to be friends anymore.
CA: Hello?
congressionalAbsconder [CA] stopped pestering astralColossus [AC]
congressionalAbsconder [CA] began pestering courteousGangsta [CG]
CA: Michael! I require your always valuable assistance in this, my time of greatest need.
CG: Bro you know I got you. Whatchoo need, some ill rhymes?
CA: While I normally would never turn down the opportunity to be floored by the mad lyrics you articulate so poignantly, this might not be the time.
CA: I'm rather sure that I am about to die.
CG: Well if you're sure, what the hell can I do?
CA: I might be a goner, but the forum can live on. Tynic is going to connect to you through the game I sent you, and get you out of harm's way, but first I need you to do something.
CA: Last time I was out there, for the Great MidWestern Hip Hop Battle and Chili Cookoff, I installed a forum control panel next to your computer
CA: There's a bunch of buttons that do things like lock threads and ban users and stuff. Then there's a green one labeled FORUM BACKUP. It makes a backup of the database and puts it on a floppy.
CG: What's up with this red button? I find it alluring.
CA: OH GOD whatever you do don't press that button!
CA: It randomly deletes one subforum.
CG: Why the hell does a button like that exist even?
CA: In case things ever got out of hand, we can use it to relieve the pressure. Like that thing in LOST.
CA: So just stay away from that one
CG: Did Cindy ever fill you in on my habit of asking what things are once I've already pressed them? eg. buttons
CA: What? NO. Don't tell me that you pressed it.
CG: Look why would you even colour a button red if you didn't want it to be touched
CG: Red is the colour of things you are meant to be pawing at, like ripe apples or fire alarms
CA: I have to see this.
CA: Oh god, you destroyed the general chat forum.
CA: We're boned. I know it.
CG: Would it help if I pressed the red button a second time? Like, maybe it would delete the deleted forum, which would bring it back. You know? Like a double delete?
CA: ghf43yhnm ht
CA: Do you see what you've made me do? I'm literally smashing my face into my keyboard.
CA: Just don't touch anything.
CA: Forget about the backup. I'm gonna try to find a way to get to that alchemiter.
CA: If I die...
CA: If you ever meet Gwenyth Paltrow...tell her I always loved her.
CG: You got it.
congressionalAbsconder [CA] stopped pestering courteousGangsta [CG]
>
Update #9
PART ONE: > NAS: Escape
The door is securely blocked from both sides.
There is no reply from Betelgeuse.
Your situation: dire.
>
PART TWO: > Phoebe: Wake up Betelgeuse
>
PART THREE: > NAS: Consider the futility of any action you might take at this point
Consider it considered.
>
PART FOUR: > Betelgeuse: Wake up like a Bad-Ass Wizard.
>
PART FIVE: > Betelgeuse: Save the day.
>
PART SIX: > NAS: Make this happen!
The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.
It is your thirteenth birthday, and as...
No, wait, that's another story.
In this one, a meteor is upon you, your fate rests with the totem in your hand. It is now or never. The entire twisty path of your life has brought you to this moment, and the fate of hundreds of thousands of posts hang heavy on your shoulders.
Let's do this shit.
>
PART SEVEN: > Forum: Survive
??
> Forum: Check Back at 7:30pm EDT for the final update