A complaint to the makers of the Animorphs TV series:
(a way to boil down my disappointment and rage on paper)

Dear TV makers,

I saw the first 3 episodes of your “Animorphs” TV series. All together your score adds up to 2 out of 10. 1 for the names and 1 for the basic idea being there and that’s me being generous. Well, enough about what you did right, let’s talk about what you did wrong.

First of all, the actors were way too old. They looked more like college students than high school kids.

They didn’t have any emotional attachments- Jake and Cassie, Rachel and Tobias, Jake and Marco, Rachel and Cassie. None of that was there. Oh sure, Rachel and Tobias had a moment where they were looking at each other. But that’s not the kind of feeling I’m talking about. That’s just you trying to get off easy. It’s the old fashioned movie trick, the look that means: I love you. But that’s not all there is to it. Rachel and Tobias’s relationship starts off with Rachel standing up for Tobias and Tobias sending her grateful looks. Little things like that, things that develop over time. But no, that was too hard for you wasn’t it? You would have had to give them personalities.

Jake didn’t have his whole ‘Why am I the leader? I don’t really want to be’ thing going on. And that was an important part of the whole Animorphs acceptance thing.

Marco didn’t have his big ‘life is a joke’ attitude to help with the seriousness of the ‘I don’t want to get killed’ attitude. His serious and funny attitudes round off his personality. If you have one without the other you’re not getting the whole Marco impression.

Cassie has short hair not long hair. This is important because it illustrates her whole ‘responsible, hard-working farm girl’ image. Cassie doesn’t really care about nice clothes and long hair because they get in the way. And more importantly: she needs to be nicer, more sympathetic. I saw none of the wonderful Cassie moments in the show where she would comfort someone using all the right words, so no one would feel bad.

I got no Rachel vibes from Rachel. I didn’t get the whole: ‘Let’s do it! I’m in! Xena Warrior Princess’ attitude from her. She was just an ordinary girl with pretty blonde hair.

In the show Tobias started off as a complete stranger to the entire group and he remained distant and quiet the rest of the time. I mean pul-lease. There’s enough complication in his life without totally depriving him of a personality. He wasn’t a close friend of anyone in the first few chapters of the book but he was an acquaintance of Jake and Marco and Rachel knew him a little bit. He might have been picked on by bullies and had a terrible home life, but he wasn’t all that miserable and secretive. He was friendly and helpful and completely trustworthy. I don’t know what you think you’re going to accomplish with the Tobias you’ve got. It doesn’t look like there’s any hope for him. I have no feelings for him. No sympathy, no admiration, nothing. He’s just not enough of a person.

Why, why…WHY did you have that crazy the-kids-follow-Homer-to-a-Power-Plant thing? First of all, it was an abandoned construction site and more importantly, Homer wasn’t there! The book lay the plot out so nicely for you, starting with five teenagers taking a short-cut home from the mall. But you couldn’t wait 30 seconds for a little excitement could you? You had to start it with a lousy dog chase. Sure, you bring your pet dog to the mall to play video games with you. Yeah, he’s too well trained for a leash. Sure, he runs away for no reason. Yes, he leads you and your friends to a Power Plant. Anything sound wrong with that? Duh! Bad idea! Starting off the whole unbelievably phoney show with an unbelievably phoney beginning. From that Power Plant on your show went steeply downhill.

What is with Elfangor’s spooky entrance? I mean, in the book were they surprised to see a blue, scorpion-tailed, stalk-eyed, thought-speaking alien? Sure. A little nervous? Absolutely. But scared? No way! At least not in the way you had it with your something-bad-is-gonna-happen music and freaky flashing lights, not to mention Elfangor’s Darth-Vader breathing. I know, I know, he was wounded. That’s no excuse! The book had better ways of making his suffering tragic and dramatic, that breathing thing was totally unnecessary.

After Elfangor’s appearance, nothing got any scarier. That was in part because you gave away your scariest music before the real terror began. But mostly it was the actors. The height of their terror added up to slightly worried and mildly concerned. It was so unrealistic. They were so ridiculously calm. This is their first encounter with evil aliens and they are not freaking, not cowering, not screaming, not shaking, and basically not caring.

Visser Three and Prince Elfangor did not have enough contrast in appearance. I saw no difference in their facial expressions because they didn’t have any. The Andalites looked like identical stuffed animals. Their stalk eyes didn’t move, their eyes had no expression and they were too big, stiff and clumsy. Apart from the things they said, I felt no major difference in their characters.

In the book, Visser Three and Elfangor were more than your everyday Yeerk vs. Andalite enemies. They had a personal hatred for each other. I didn’t get that from them. Visser Three killed him without any evil satisfaction and Elfangor died without any final attempt to hurt him.

And the Taxxons! Whatever happened to the Taxxons? There were no Taxxons! What’s up with that? Now, the Hork Bajir I could live with, they were phoney, but at least they were there.

Now that we’re done with alien problems, let’s get back to the Animorphs. The kids’ brief meeting with Elfangor was almost okay. At least Elfangor got his message across and gave them the morphing power. Two big problems though.

#1: Tobias was distant and quiet and not caring about the Andalite at all. That is the worst possible way for you to portray him! Tobias was supposed be the one who cared the most. He’s the one who stayed longest by Elfangor’s side. All that is very important to the developing of his character. Tobias started out as a wimp who couldn’t stand up to bullies in school. Meeting Elfangor was what gave him the strength he needed to become a hero.

#2: THAT DISC! What is with that disc?! It’s crazy! You used it to rewrite the whole book! No, the Animorphs don’t spy on the Sharing! They don’t go to the Gardens! They don’t stalk controllers! Because, guess what? They’re going to spend all their time learning all there is to know from some lousy disc! Elfangor does not give the Animorphs a disc, period. It makes no sense!

Now, jumping ahead to the first morph. Double the problems.

#1: You had Jake acquire Homer (who was not supposed to be there) and use his morph to escape. First of all, the escape was too easy. Two dogs get away from Hork Bajir? In the open, no cover, no head start? Not a chance! If they wanted to do away with dogs they’d have made short work of it.

#2: They wouldn’t have been chasing dogs anyway. At this point in the story, the Yeerks believed that they had annihilated every Andalite within a million light-years of Earth. They would not have found a pair of dogs suspicious. In the book they were only chasing them as humans because they were afraid they’d seen something.

#3: Where was Jake’s disbelief, fear and doubt? He morphed that dog without much worry or hesitation at all. I mean, come on! Ten minutes in alien company and you’ve accepted the fact that you can turn into animals? I don’t think so.

#4: It was Tobias who broke the ice. Tobias was the first of them to morph. He was the first to accept reality. He was the driving force behind the decision to fight. It was him, not Jake, who helped them get past their doubts.

The actual morphing had flaws as well. First of all, it took them about 10 seconds. This I can almost accept, as it would get pretty boring in a TV show waiting 3 minutes for a morph. But the noise! If organs dissolved, spines stretched and noses bulged as loudly as they did in your show, the Animorphs would have been caught long ago. Their noisy morphing would’ve given them away!

Also, your morphing was not illogical and unpredictable. Apart from the noise, it went relatively smoothly. Since the morphs were not all that ugly, it was hard to distinguish Cassie as the best morpher. Cassie’s talent as a morpher is an important contribution to the group. You failed to demonstrate that, because your morphing was too fast and simple to work with.

But, the thing that bothered me most was the clothes. There were way too many clothes. I can accept skin-tight leotards as poetic licence, but there is no way I’m accepting jackets, hats, watches, jewellery, shoes, and big baggy jeans. To morph is to morph DNA, not every object touching you. I mean, you had them morphing that disc!

Good grief! Where do you draw the line? Can you morph backpacks full of books, purses full of money, machine guns and nuclear bombs? It’s ridiculous! They’re morphing power has a built in transport system! You erased the Animorphs’ disability to morph anything but themselves, and, in doing this, you gave a realistic disadvantage an unbelievably stupid fix.

The Animorphs are also let off easy in the struggles for control over new morphs. You barely touch on the subject when Marco morphs a hamster and Rachel, being a cat, has a desire to eat him. The whole thing lasts a few seconds and then disappears without much of a fight. The interior struggles that went on in unfamiliar animal brains were the first things to cause personal nightmares. It’s a problem that the Animorphs needed to learn to deal with. It’s something that helped to build their strength. But you just jumped ahead to fighting Yeerks and didn’t bother to prepare them with any pre-battle difficulties. Off a clean table and into the fire? That can’t be good for them.

Just one more morphing complaint and I promise I’ll move on. The morphs they had were totally wrong. In your show, Jake’s first morph was a dog, Rachel’s a cat, Tobias’s a red-tailed hawk, Cassie’s a horse and Marco’s a hamster. Now, Jake and Cassie did morph a dog and horse first. But Rachel’s first morph was an elephant. She doesn’t morph a cat till book 2. Tobias morphs his cat, Dude, before he morphs the red-tail. And Marco does not morph a hamster! Marco is a smart guy. He would not be stupid enough to choose such a small and fearful creature for his first morph.

Chapman was too unpleasant. He was reeking of evil in the way he talked, walked and looked. Controllers don’t do that when they’re around normal people. That’s the scary thing about controllers, that you can’t tell who they are. Yeerks use their host’s memories and thoughts to try to pass as them. Assistant Principal or not, I refuse to believe that Chapman was always that nasty.

Tom was discovered too easily. There was no building suspense and suspicion. Is it mentioned that he and Jake have been drifting apart? Does Jake hear a familiar laugh at the construction site? Does he smell something strange when he’s a dog? Does Tom press them for information? NO! Instead, Tom tells them he quit the basketball team and Marco says: “Jake, your brother is a controller.” Pathetic.

Now, I’ve complained about the characters, the initial incident and the morphing. I could give you a blow-by-blow account of what was wrong with the plot, but the answer to that is so simple, it won’t take me long to explain. THAT DISC WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE!!! Your whole plot was based on that stupid DISC! They lose the DISC, they go back for the DISC, the DISC doesn’t work on Jake’s computer (Duh! It’s from the Andalite Home World!), so they can’t use the DISC, but they keep the DISC anyway! That. Crazy. DISC. If it weren’t for that DISC, I would’ve given your show a generous 4 out of 10!

You finally got back to the real plot when you had the Animorphs go down to the Yeerk Pool to save Tom. But, could you get any phonier with that Yeerk Pool?! The Pool was a red swimming pool! It looked like water and food colouring! Your underground city was a 50 foot ditch completely devoid of buildings! You had about 20 human controllers down there! What kind of a Yeerk Empire is that?!

But the main reason your Yeerk Pool failed to be scary, was because the actors failed to be terrified. I felt nothing for those people, temporarily free of the Yeerks that enslaved them, when their mild comments were: “…Oh. No. Let me go… Help…HELP…” Notice the lack of explanation marks. Clearly, those poor slaves were not caring about their situation. If they don’t care, why should I care? Why should the Animorphs care? If people don’t care about freedom, why should the Animorphs risk so much to defend it?

You made the whole Invasion of trauma, rage and pain, look like a really bad joke. Whatever your excuse for your lousy actors, your phoney sets and your pathetic screenplay, I will never forgive you for what you have done to The Animorphs.

From an enraged Animorphs fan,

Jennifer Lott.